Life and Religion

The first time I picked up the book, “The Bond,” I was blown away by a statement on the first page. In the introduction Dr. Rameck Hunt explains that, “Father’s Day was kind of like Rosh Hashanah.”

“The reason I said that is because that's how foreign it is a lot of the time, for a lot of people,” Hunt said. “It’s a celebration or a culture for somebody else, and that’s an issue, because it shouldn't be that way. And that’s the reason I mention that, because that's how it felt to me. For a long time, [it felt] like it was something for someone else and not me. And that was at the crux for why we wanted to start this dialogue, because it shouldn't be foreign. It just shouldn't be. And hopefully, this book, and us traveling and doing different things, will help to begin that conversation so that it's not a foreign thing at all.”

The first page may not completely convey it, but the reason Sampson Davis, George Jenkins, and Hunt each have smiles on their faces on the cover of the book, is because “The Bond” is essentially is a book of hope. In their 2002 release, “The Pact,” the three men talk about the struggles they faced growing up in Newark, N.J., and the promise they made each other to help one another through and medical and dental school. Now Doctors, the men once again talk about the strength of friendship and how their brotherly relationship helped each of them through. However, this time, they are also very candid in expressing their feelings about the issue of fatherlessness and growing up without their fathers. From Jenkins talking about having to learn to tie a tie for the first time in college to Hunt discussing why he didn’t stay on his pee wee football team, the doctors are blunt about their experiences, and the realization of the importance of a father is in a man’s life.

“I think what is so important about this book, along with it being timely and necessary, is that we as a society and a culture, in a way have gotten comfortable with the fact that a father's day is foreign to a lot of people,” Davis said. “We've gotten comfortable and accepted that as being okay. Looking at statistics, two parent homes aren't the norm. It's actually less common than a single parent raising their child. And we have to get back to that theme of having both mom and dad accountable and present in a child's life. Many of the social ills and some of the negative images we face everyday with crime and educational statistics; it starts off from day one. It starts off from being a parent.”

To start the journey of putting this book together, the first step, for each man, was dealing with their own feelings; dredging up old memories that had long been suppressed.

“I never really bonded with my father,” Davis added. “I never had those fishing trips, those camping trips that many kids yearn for with their dad, so to go back and ask him why was tough, because I felt like he owed me that much. He needed to reach out to me…but this book allowed me the opportunity to say you know I needed to be the bigger person. I needed to reach out to him myself, and ask him these questions; why did he leave? Why didn’t he come to see me at sports games? Why didn’t he have that kind of man to son moment so that we could sit down and exchange conversations, so that he could tell me about life and the rights of passage from boyhood to manhood? These are the types of things that I missed out on, and this book, 'The Bond,' allowed [me] an opportunity to [express] that.”

Each doctor talks candidly the initial struggle to get to the point of just expressing the feelings they repressed, but what makes the book such an emotional ride is that their dads also each have a chapter; each sharing their side of the story.

“I think it also helped humanize them,” Hunt said. “Jenkins says that all the time. As a child you demonize your absent dad, but hearing their side of the story actually humanizes them and I think that was very important.”

“I know my father, he never really meant to distance himself,” Davis said, “but the turmoil he had with my mother, just made it easier for him to say, ‘You know I'm not going to bother. Things are quiet and peaceful when I'm not there. I'll just wait till next week to see my son.’ Then weeks grow into months and months grow into years, and before you know it a lifetime has gone by.”
Fatherlessness is a tough subject to broach, because it creates such strong emotions. Though it was an extremely hard process, the doctors want readers to understand this is by no means a negative book.

“I think some readers are a bit apprehensive because I think the first thing you think about when you do a book about fatherlessness is that it's going to be about bashing,” Davis said. “It's going to be about destructive issues, of tearing these men down, but we're not doing that. We're just having conversation and the unique thing is that our father's contributed chapters as well and you get to see a common thread between all our fathers and us is that they too were fatherless.”

“We wanted to make sure people understand this book is not a book about bashing but it’s really about celebrating dads and reconnecting if you don’t have a relationship with your father,” said Hunt. “And if you can’t reconnect with your biological father, make a point to make sure you have a father figure in your life. And that really speaks to the mom that is still around to help to foster a relationship between the father, the biological father, or the father figure. And even if you have a good relationship, it helps you to reaffirm that relationship. It’s an inspirational book, and a lot of people who read the book who did have a good relationship with their dad, just got a renewed sense of joy.”

Even though the three doctors were writing, “The Bond,” from the perspective of men, they also recognize the importance of a father’s influence for young girls. Hunt suggested a Daddy’s Little Girl chapter, but it was eventually turned down, since the book was being written from a male, and not a female perspective.

“I thought that was a very important chapter, and I wanted to make sure that chapter went in, but it just didn’t flow well with the book,” said Hunt. “So we sprinkled a little bit of the chapter through out the book. I kind of went on a crusade to research that part of it, because I felt it was very important.”

More than just a book of chronicling their process of reconciliation, the doctors hope the Bond can be catalyst to break the current trend of fatherlessness, and get more men to adopt the attitude to, “Be better, not bitter.”

“It doesn’t give you the secret answer or the magic solutions,” said Davis. “What it does is it opens up the platform to start to have dialog about the situation. Each child growing up needs a male and a female figure in their life. We can’t think that it’s the norm for mother’s to absorb all the responsibility of raising their sons and daughters.”

Despite how far their relationships have come with their fathers, Father’s Day still is not one of their readily remembered holidays, just as Hunt explained in the beginning of the book.

“It really was that way and I’m still kinda of foggy; I think Father's Day is this Sunday,” Jenkins said, laughting. “It's not something that I had in my head like Easter every year or Thanksgiving, something you knew you were going to celebrate with your family. It could have been five years straight before I ever even think about a Father's Day. Just like I didn’t know, or none of us knew, the Jewish holidays...it just blew past us without us even knowing it. I think it means a bit more today.”

“My dad is still alive, but unfortunately their two dads passed during the course of doing the book,” continued Jenkins. “My dad's still alive, and it's still not like the greatest of relationships. We're working on it and we're talking a lot more and I'm definitely going to call him and send him a card this year, but it still sort of sneaks up on me to this day, because it's nothing that I grew up valuing.”

“The Bond” may not create the perfect father/child relationship, but ultimately, the three doctors hope it opens communications lines. They hope communities, not just parents and children, will talk about the issue of absentee fathers.

“I think the bigger message is about community,” said Davis. “About empowering our men to be there for their children, and to say, you know my dad's not perfect, but that’s cool. We're still going to find a way to have daughters and sons embrace their father's and celebrate father's day. It shouldn't be a foreign day, and although it is, it shouldn't be. We have to find a way, so when we're turning on the number one station, we’re hearing daughters and sons give their fathers a shout out instead of their mother's on father's day.”

“This book is a book about celebrating dads,” said Hunt. “We’re sharing ourselves with people and we hope they enjoy it.”
For more information on reconnecting with your father visit www.threedoctors.com.

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